An island age.

"In my opinion, all men are islands. And what's more, now's the time to be one. This is an island age. A hundred years ago, for example, you had to depend on other people. No one had TV or CDs or DVDs or home espresso makers. As a matter of fact they didn't have anything cool. Whereas now you can make yourself a little island paradise... And I like to think that perhaps I am that kind of island. I like to think I'm pretty cool. I like to think I'm Ibiza."

--Will in "About a Boy"

I am an island. I can do what I want, when I want. Or not, if I don't want. My life, my job, my happiness. Me. Me. Me. I do not have a spouse or significant other. I am not responsible for the livelihood or rearing of any children. I live 1,800 miles away from my family. Consequently, I could live my life with very little but a baseline level of impact on anyone else, and the hard truth is that frequently I do.

Let's be clear. I am an introvert. I like working on my own. I don't like big groups, or lots of external stimulation. I enjoy having time to myself. But, I may play that card a little too often, especially lately. Having a grown-up job and a house takes up time and energy, and I get busy and tired, and it's just easier. Also, it's safe. I can extract myself from the parts of life that are actually a lot messier in reality than in theory, and focus on the part of it I can control. Namely, me.

I read a speech by David Foster Wallace ages ago, where he called that "the freedom to be lords of our own tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation." I found the speech still online, and he continues: "This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day."

A hypothesis: I am not an island. I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a friend, I am an employee, I am a supervisor, I am a member of my church, I am a resident of my neighborhood, I am a voter, I am a taxpayer, I am a citizen. All of which means that what I do and say -- or more importantly lately, don't do and don't say -- actually does have an impact on the people whose lives intersect with mine.

Among my first goals: I need to spend less time on my own. This may include more time spent building (or rebuilding) quality relationships with family and friends, putting as much energy into my group projects at work as solo projects, more involvement in my community, etc. I also need to work on being more open. Even a little seems to matter. I'm often surprised at how much I think should just be obvious that isn't unless I actually say it.

P.S. These goals violate just about every natural instinct that I have. Which is why I'm saying it publicly. I (thankfully) have people in my life who will never let me forget I just wrote those words.